Gala 2026 Honoree Acceptance Speech

This speech was given by Stephanie Ives who was honored at the Beit Rabban Annual Gala for her ten years of service as Head of School.

Monday was the Shloshim — the thirty-day anniversary of my father's death. Tonight is my first communal celebration since he passed. This is a very powerful reentry for me, and I hope it is for my mother, who is here. I wasn't quite sure how I'd feel — but something that happened this morning made it clear: there is no more fitting place to reenter celebration than here, in a room devoted to the continuity of our tradition. And that itself feels like a tribute to my father, my parents, my incredible in-laws, and the many grandparents in this room, as well as the many people of their generation who invested in my generation’s Jewish education.

Each year, our eighth graders visit sixth grade to teach them how to lay tefillin, around the time most students are celebrating b'nai mitzvah. It is powerful to watch tradition passed down not from adults to children — not across generations — but from one grade to another. This morning, a teacher asked to borrow my tefillin for the program, and I said I’d bring it up.

The tefillin in my office is actually my father's, and I have been wearing it since he passed. My father's tefillin is the most iconic item I associate with him. He put them on every morning, with focus and love, until the last few months when he was too sick. When he stopped, I knew he had taken a serious turn. In retrospect, I think of it as a kind of aninut — the period before burial when you are exempt from mitzvot, as if his body was already preparing.

When I walked into the sixth-grade room to drop off the tefillin, I saw my daughter's tefillin lying on the table among the others being used for the lesson. I placed my father's pair next to hers.

My parents bought tefillin for each of their many grandsons. Last year, when our youngest, Sally, became a bat mitzvah, they called to say they wanted to buy hers as well. This was a big deal for me- it was not a given for my then-eighty-eight-year-old, Orthodox, Iraqi father to support a girl wearing tefillin. This was not his practice. I read it as an expression of his and my mom’s pride in the Jewish life I lead- despite having made different choices than them, they see me as carrying on the mesorah of our people. Buying her tefillin was one of his ways of saying so. And it was a reminder to me today of the legacy I want to leave together with all of you.

“Chanoch lanaar al pi darko, gam ki yazkin lo yasur mimena.” — we translate it as: educate each child according to their way. Teach them in the manner they can best access, based on who they are. So when they get older, they will not deviate from it- the right path.

I see an additional message in a radically different reading that holds simultaneously with that one. Al pi darco — in accordance with their particular path- so they will not leave it. Educate them to forge their own pathways in Torah, keeping the Torah with them and thereby staying with it.

This is an important message for educators and parents. Our goal should not be for our children to turn out exactly like us. What we should do is act authentically in accordance with our values, include our children genuinely in those actions, empower them with knowledge, and encourage them to develop their own meaningful relationships with Judaism- and really everything we are committed to and want to see continued. The north star of Jewish education is for each of them to own their Judaism — deeply — and to act on it.

Those two pairs of tefillin side by side this morning were a beautiful reminder of that. From my parents to me, from me to my children — paths changing based on the person journeying. That is the legacy my father left and what I want to add to.

Tonight we have the largest group of Beit Rabban alumni ever gathered in one room — including many members of our first eighth-grade graduating class, who are preparing to graduate high school in the coming weeks. We are so grateful to have been part of your education, and so proud to be associated with you. We need you to pave the Jewish paths that your moment needs, that compel you. Very soon, it will be time for us to follow in your footsteps. I could not be more confident in the future of our people — and I mean that broadly, not only Jewishly — than I am because you will be its stewards.

This has been an incredible tribute, but Beit Rabban is not the product of any one person's vision or actions — it is the result of so many people choosing, year after year, to invest themselves in something larger than themselves. That is exactly what we are trying to teach our children to do. And tonight, we are surrounded by the best role models for our children in this respect.

I want to start by recognizing the people who made tonight happen — Rebecca, Emily, Stacey, Liza, Rachel, and Nicole. When you walked in this evening, I hope you noticed. The details. The tables. The food. The art exhibit. The auction. The slideshow. The video. None of that is an accident — that is these seven people. They planned this evening the way you'd prepare your home for people you love. One of the things I care about most is that every person who walks through our doors feels welcomed not into an institution, but into a home. Tonight is that feeling made visible. And none of it would have been possible without our facilities crew and security team, who made sure this space was ready to receive each of us.

To our parent body: the reason we are who we are starts with who you are. You are intentional, sophisticated, and values-driven. I joke that we need people to send their kids here "by mistake" — someone just following the pack. But this is not a by-mistake school. Everyone who enrolls their children knows exactly why, and that lays the foundation for everything.

To our grandparents: thank you for raising your children and for all you do to help raise your grandchildren. Your love anchors them in ways you cannot imagine. Ten years ago, we had fewer than five grandparent donors. Today, the majority of our students have grandparents who give generously to this school.

To our staff: no one works here by mistake, either. Beit Rabban is a magnificent and demanding place to work because we hold ourselves to the standard of knowing — deeply — each student and family. That job can never be fully done. You hold that, and you always strive. You are remarkable role models for our children.

To my senior leadership team: people say it's lonely at the top. It is not lonely when your closest colleagues feel the degree of ownership that you do. Thank you for your wisdom, your support, and your patience with my idiocy.

To our board: you devote your time, your financial resources, and your wisdom in quantities that I genuinely marvel at. This school needs each of you, and the collective is simply the loveliest group of people I know.

To our board chairs — when I started, I honestly believed I would only stay as long as Tali was board chair. I'm still here because I won the lottery with Lev and Rachel. Each of you has taken on a second full-time job, and you have been available to me literally twenty-four-six — plus Shabbat, when I need a place to stay in the city. I am so proud of what we have built together — especially since none of you may ever be allowed to leave the board.

To all my friends and family who joined tonight — you really know how to show up. I cannot believe how many people traveled to Los Angeles for my father's funeral and then to New York for this gala. I'm sorry about the timing, and may we always have smachot to bring us together.

My three children are all Beit Rabban students — two alumni and one current. Most kids don't have to watch their mom tell a whole lot of other children that she loves them every day. You have, and I thank you for sharing me with all of them. Please know I will always love you most.

And to Yehuda — I cannot believe we get paid to work on behalf of the Jewish people. When we met over thirty years ago, I could not have imagined we would have this privilege. I'm so grateful we do, and that we get to do it together.